(A “Notes to Self” Series)

Quote for Sunday, 3 March 2019

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

― Philippians 4:13

A few minutes ago, when I was trying to search the net for a good quote to post here, I’ve found this article about the two signs of a truly wicked person. Do you want to know what those are? Well, even if you don’t, I hope you don’t mind if I still tell you anyway.

One of them is aggressiveness. The article specifically states that those who get angry so quickly, who gossip against others, who vex or curse a lot, and whose words are hurtful are the most culpable.

I’m the writer of this blog, so I could have easily chosen not to be fazed by what I’ve read. I could have easily ignored everything and pretended that all is well and I’m not affected at all.

Yet the truth is I am guilty.

Yes, I always steer clear of “grapevine” in the figurative sense of the word although I’m fine with the visuals attached to its literal meaning. I also speak well of people and give credit where such is due. However, I’ve got a temper. What compounds the situation is the everyday stress that comes with life. You could just imagine what happens when everything just piles up to more than tolerable limits.

The worst thing is that, even if I get so apologetic and try to repair the situation afterwards, I’d easily get into those flare-ups and spiteful language any time of the day if the same triggers and stimuli happen again.

I know that the worst things could really exist in everyone’s reality. Yet it’s easier to give in to one’s instincts and to react negatively than to take the situation in a more positive light. Such is especially so if the noise is louder than the music, if the disadvantages obscure whatever small amount of benefits there may be or if the sad, gloom, and pain become too unbearable that there’s no more strength or willpower that’s left to muster a smile.

The other one on the said article’s list is arrogance. The haughty, proud, and over-confident ones belong to this supposed other “wicked” group.

Born in a society (and reared in a family) where humility is considered a virtue, one of my job search drawbacks as a migrant had been my inability to “sell” myself to prospective employers. Another fact to blame is that I never really had to build myself up in the past before, and yet being in a new country changes all of that. As research and career gurus incessantly advise the need to market oneself, I have to painstakingly will myself to learn the rudiments of what it takes to settle in a foreign workplace landscape.

Now, the more awkward thing about doing something you’re not accustomed to doing is that you end up having the need to fill in a huge gap of areas for improvement. Instead of turning situations into something favourable by joining the bandwagon, the exact opposite may even happen. Instead of sounding assertive, I’m afraid I could even have seemed too boastful instead. Thus, I may be guilty again about this one, too.

Now, having revealed those less-than-ideal sides of me, I wouldn’t be too surprised if someone would judge me. I won’t scorn you if you would. However, this was and, as it seems, is still me. I’m more inclined to say that it’s hard to break a deeply-ingrained habit or to completely change a personality.

Being too honest is another one of my weaknesses. I know I shouldn’t have let you know too much about me. Yet my point here is that nothing is impossible. We are all sinners who just happen to sin differently. My sins may just be different from others, and theirs are different from mine as well. Yet there’s an innate goodness in each one of us. With such thought and as I try to be and do better each day despite the odds, I know that God never gives up on me even if I may fail Him countless times. With Him, all things are possible. To Him, I’m not a hopeless case; nobody is.

So, the next time that an unsupportive voice cajoles and blackmails me by “reminding me of my past,” I’d remember another wise person’s words. I’ve got to remind that voice’s source “what God has for his future.”

A happy and blessed Sunday, everyone!

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