(A “Notes to Self” Series)
I have been writing book reviews lately. Yet there’s one timeless book that I should never really forget. I know that I’m not a theologian, and I’d rather talk about something I’ve got more knowledge about. However, I had been recently feeling guilty that my written works have not yet included something more reflective of my faith. I also think that the Holy Bible will never run out of words that would keep the flame of hope burning within us.
Thus, please do allow me to share some excerpts that deeply touched my life. I’ve written the original version of these reflections in 2016, but I think their significance have not changed at all. I won’t be forcing anything on you, yet I do hope you’d find at least a piece or two to be of relevance to you. Note, though, that these are more of a mere note to myself and not meant to be construed as a guru’s words.
Here are the top seven biblical words that have been inspiring me throughout the years:
# 1: Proverbs 3:5-6
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thine ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths.”
Nonetheless, the words of this bible passage had always guided me through, from my benedictine schooling days at the Our Lady of Caysasay Academy (OLCA) and up to now.
I am imperfect but my God is perfect. He has given me gifts and blessings, in my family, teachers, mentors, friends, and people I learn from. My human brain may fail to grasp the total essence of situations and circumstances I may encounter, yet He knows everything. He will make a way for me, just as always.
# 2: Psalm 23
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”
This biblical passage is something, which had been printed on the special handkerchief from my dearest Nanay Baby.
It has reminded me to acknowledge my human imperfections, and propensity to err and go astray. Yet, like a sheep in a herd, I know that our mighty God is the good shepherd who will never ever forsake me, but will always be there to lead me back to the right path. Even in the midst of the nerve-wracking uncertainty and bleakness of the darkest and seemingly-endless tunnels of life’s journey, our compassionate Lord will always be there.
With these, I’m reminded by an amazing couple who has always been there for us, the beacons of the light that God has sent through for us, an unexpected-yet-much-welcomed surprise to our lives here in Adelaide. My alma mater, the Philippine Military Academy (PMA), made us cross our paths, and they even became wedding godparents to myself and my dearest better-half Jun more than 17 years ago. In the most perplexing yet faith-strengthening way, God has brought them back to our lives at the place and time that we least expected them to be but just where and when we would be needing them the most. The faith of Ninang Jessica and Ninong Orbille goes way beyond merely doing something as simple (or trivial, as some would even say) as writing this piece. They even extend to heights, depths and breadths of good works, community outreach and all else for our God’s glory.
# 3: Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”
With this passage, I am inclined to look back and acknowledge all the great things that God has blessed me and my family with throughout the years.
There may be times when faltering and giving up could tend to be the easiest options. Yet God never fails to be there for us and bring us up each time we fail and fall, leading us to the right path, and even bringing us to better things and greater opportunities which, at times, we never even asked for nor thought we could ever have. He has given us great blessings along the way, and the great chance to materialise our dreams and aspirations for our family, especially for our kids and their future. The Lord kept, keeps and will continue to keep His promise.
With this verse, I am reminded of a lady whose journey in her faith and migrant life has inspired me a lot. Ate Eileen’s life in her blogs had been an epic tale that I have followed. In her written works, she shared trinkets of enlightened thoughts and wisdom. She also bravely bared your self, soul and everyday experiences, to show that every trial and trying circumstance can indeed become God’s blessing in disguise, to highlight our Lord’s strength, might and compassion amidst those situations, and to bring others closer to Him as a result. She said she is God’s work in progress; I humbly say that I am such one, too.
# 4: John 13:34-35
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
When I heard this verse again during a Sunday Mass’ gospel, I was reminded that its dictum should be so easy to do. Loving someone we love should come in as naturally, and even as inevitably so at times, as romantics would have it. We love not only our families but also our relatives, friends and people who love us back and do good things for us.
However, Christ’s words didn’t just mean loving someone we love, but even transcend to loving those who we will normally see as unlovable or unable to reciprocate that love. How could we easily love someone who rejects us even if we mean well? who takes away from us even as we already generously give? who does unacceptable things to us even as we try to make peace with them? who puts us down constantly even as we strive to do good things to them? who makes fun of us even as we respect them? who we value, yet reduces us to the lesser versions of ourselves? who we wholeheartedly work for, yet makes things difficult for us to do the right thing to do? who we achieve things for, yet does not seem to notice and would even find faults in everything we do? who should be there for us, but abandons us and even scorns us?
Jesus also directed through Mark 12:17 “to give back to Caesar’s what is his, but give to God what is God’s.” Jesus’ teachings didn’t encourage one to deviate from the norms of our society yet expected us to do what is godly. In our society where rules, laws and regulations need to be observed for order’s sake, a person’s act could indeed be judged as right or wrong and treated accordingly. Yet, whereas it is the act which needs to be sanctioned, I would go for separating the act from the person; I believe this is the way I could treat everyone fairly and as respectfully as possible, regardless of the other’s past, present and future. I may not be able to change the world, yet I could certainly start with micro steps by beginning with myself.
I won’t say that I am someone who loves unconditionally. Yet, I won’t also dare say that I am that perfect either (as I am as flawed and as human as can be) so I have no reason to condemn and cast a stone on someone else. In my utter intent to serve and do my duties, there were points in time that I even had less time and attention to those I should love and in whose lives I am irreplaceable. More often than not, it is far easier to look at another’s faults and limitations, while going past mine; yet yesterday’s gospel reminds me to realise that I should definitely strive to do better. God’s only begotten son, Jesus, had never erred and was as pure as can be. Yet he chose to forgive, encouraged us to do the same not just seven times but a greater multiple of times, and even died on the cross to save us from our sins.
It was Anzac Day when I wrote the original version of this reflection. It was a day of paying tribute to courageous people who valiantly fought for a common, better good. The annual observance also makes me remember my Nanay who had the strong will of a fighter for God and for love. She was an intellectual, talented, beautiful lady who was also kind, never faltered in her faith and had much love to share. When I was younger, I sometimes felt curious about her decisions, her utter generosity and self-less service, to the extent of leaving us with less if not nil each day, and to even incur family debts as a result. (Tatay was and still is as generous, trusting, and compassionate as that, even now; thus, our humble home staying and looking the same way through the years despite his pension and unstopped driving-for-a-living is not a wonder. Lolo Daniel, despite being a founding mayor of his town of Libertad and an accomplished judge and lawyer, also had been that kind as well in his lifetime, which made him dispose and let go to relatives and others his prime real estate properties all over the country, and to lend money even if people seldom if not never pays him back. Thus, I guess I have a pure strain of that “blood,” which explains my propensity to make similar seemingly-impractical life choices that I had to struggle so hard to restrain, for my kids’ sake.)
Nanay was a believer. She painstakingly served God through her involvement in various church organisations and initiatives, and her catechism, amongst other charitable works. She had been an inspiration and the reason for success of the students she dedicatedly taught, mentored and tutored through her teaching years. Her goodness surfaced even if some of her experiences could be better. My grandparents parted ways and both eventually had their own families. The tragedy of separated parents in a traditional Filipino family may have easily crushed someone’s spirits. Yet Nanay valiantly went for her dream of bringing all three sides of the whole family together, even through the odds and usual expectations. I could say with much relief and gratitude, that Nanay proved that the impossible could indeed happen.
With this bible snippet, I am reminded of the three lines of my dear Nanay’s side of the family – Tita Dde Dujali, Tita Liwanag Bencalo Dizon, Tita Corazon Bencalo Cagayan, Tito Manuel Apuhin Bencalo and Stephanie Robles (in behalf of Tita Mikki, Tito Dong and Tita Beth). They all have shown their faith in our great and almighty God through their respective church activities, by spreading His word, or in helping others. They went even further by illustrating that love and understanding could indeed flourish even in circumstances where such is least expected. To them goes my gratitude because of all that they do, their endless support, their prayers, and their love. I look forward to the days when I could already have the real and ample capacity to do all of them enough justice, and especially by carrying forth our family tradition of helping those who would benefit from assistance most. I know that right time will come. God will make a way.
# 5: Psalm 147:1
“The LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.”
Nanay Baby had eclampsia when she was about to give birth to me. The doctor told my Lola Masing, that the complexity of Nanay’s pregnancy at that time would make it impossible to determine whether my mum or I could even live. Lola needed to make a choice on who she would prefer to be safe. She did not sign the waiver, though. Tough that she always had been, Lola demanded that the medical team would do the best that they could do and that she won’t be making any choice at all. With unwavering faith, she iterated that both I and my Nanay should be saved. She did not lose her hope. Nanay survived the delivery. The premature baby that was me stayed in the incubator for days, yet I also made it through. I’ve turned to become the beacon of hope to my family – my mother’s firstborn, my grandma’s first grandchild, my aunts’ and uncles’ first niece. And so they chose to call me “Esperanza,” a Spanish word which means “hope.” My name is a testament to the hope enkindled by my birth, and to the pervading reason to hold on to faith and the belief that miracles do happen.
My life’s journey is a tale of struggle and survival, fear and courage, uncertainty and enlightenment, challenges and resolutions, aspirations and accomplishment, turning points and successes. I choose to go for positivity yet, with it, I do not mean to resort to complacency and mediocrity. For me, optimism is knowing and working with the thought that there will always be a solution to every problem, a resolution to every issue, the best way to achieve results, and hope in every situation.
Pray and work. Ora et Labora. This had been the Benedictine dictum that I learned as an OLCAN and which has guided me through since then. In as much as it is best to do the utmost in everything, to exhaust all means to bring out the best outcomes, GOD will always be there no matter what. I hold on to my faith; I am assuaged by my hope that He will bless my effort. I believe that GOD even sees and goes beyond my limitations, flaws, weaknesses, errors, and failure to consistently follow His ways.
With this verse, I could think of my fellow Benedictine, OLCAN, catechist, NCAT Corps Commander, and friend, who had been my partner during church services at the Taal Basilica. A virtuoso, she would skilfully play the piano while I did my vocal solos at the rear balcony choir loft of the Basilica, during those rare yet still significant number of weddings and outside-school-hours special mass service schedules we’ve been in tandem for. This lady is the epitome of real beauty inside and out, whose professional attitudes and intellectual capacities also go beyond the usual bounds. We not only studied and worked hard during our high school days, but I believe we also held on to our faith and hope in our Lord, despite us being ourselves. Our friendship and the times we had in serving the Lord in our own small and simple ways will always be remembered.
# 6: 2 Corinthians 12:9
“My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak.”
When I was in Grade 5, I achieved my first literary feat by winning OLCA’s Poetry Writing contest. Thereafter came years of my involvement in various school and workplace publications. The Light, The OLCAN, The Corps, Peemayer, Scribe, Navy Journal, Fleet Journal and Navy Digest were part of my publication portfolio. As a testament to my linguistic abilities, I became PMA’s first recipient of the Department of Languages Plaque. As the editor-in-chief of The Corps, I was the first female PMA graduate conferred with the Journalism Award. Such just turned to become mere parts of my past later on though.
Despite writing stuff for work, and my subsequent training and qualifications, I seemed to have abandoned creative or meaningful writing altogether since as far as I could remember. My written works had become merely done for necessity and compliance, and were not products of imagination nor passion. As long as I was able to communicate and take one item off my checklist, I would already feel contented and consider myself done. I seemed to have lost that flair that they used to say I have. In fact, I already reached the point of doubting my capacity and moral ascendancy to call myself “a writer.”
For a long time until recently, I’ve always been putting off writing something like this. I would often restrain myself and opt to type in some words or just a few more in my public posts. Still, there were times when ideas would still flood my thoughts. Some of those would even initially seem interesting enough to be transcribed for posterity. Yet, more often if not all of the time, I tend to find a flaw or two in what I have come up with. Found faults would then led me to more instances of self-criticism, making me doubt my capacity to come up with something worth reading in the first place. My fears and my corresponding avoidance of the tragedy of producing a sub-standard, irrelevant piece, had been enough reasons for me to just procrastinate. The propensity for me to just forget non-work-related writing in any form altogether had been so overwhelming. I was convinced that I already totally lost the ability to write anything coherent or worth reading at all.
I’ve reached my turning point recently when I received the Bible Verse Challenge from Ate Jhuneiron Paguinto Bathan, which triggered me to write this post. Despite a sad, perplexing incident which claimed our dear Kuya Junior, Ate Norie stayed strong and even remained supportive of our clan, including me and my family. My family’s dream of migrating to Australia would not have been made possible if not for her. She is one of the concrete blessings that I really have to thank our God for. Once more, with this challenge, our Lord used her to give me a reason to go beyond mere routine writing, and to finally express my spontaneous, unedited thoughts into written words. Something I inherited from Nanay and Tatay, it has always been my dream to help, to inspire others, and to give back in a way. I know that I may not be perfect enough to do this. My attempts at going back to writing may even be marred by too much grammatical errors, sentence construction flaws, and irrelevant contents. Yet, I choose to go beyond my worries, and entrust my efforts to our Lord. It’s my purest and humblest intention to give honor and testimony to the compassion and might of our God, through posts such as this and photos of His wonderful creation. At the time when I think that something worth keeping is already lost, God works His way to prove it’s otherwise.
This bible verse makes me think of a prolific, talented yet humble writer who I was blessed to unexpectedly meet once more through LinkedIn. Our “virtual reunion” of sort came at such time when I was already determined to remain in the background, a mere reader, and no longer a writer whose work people will choose and not feel obliged to read. Unlike me who had been absent from the writing realm for so long, this lady initially showed her abilities and prowess way back when she was just my underclass in the Academy. Her memorable work was a testament to God’s power in her life. She worked her way up; her current success in the journalism field is an astounding feat that leaves me with nothing but respect and awe. With Mylene, our God has worked His might and sent His message of hope through her personal and professional life struggles and corresponding success.
# 7: 2 Matthew 6:9-13
“This, then, is how you should pray: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.”
Amen.
I would have said more but I believe that everything has already been perfectly summed up in our Lord’s Prayer.
God is sufficient and even more. His blessings even overflow, and would pour forth even when least expected. I, for one, just had another miracle on the day that I wrote my reflections on the verse just before I was about to wrap things up and go through the rest of what I still needed to do. It was not the news I had been expecting, yet it brought a bit more hope. Things just happened so fast, though, that I was so completely taken aback and nearly blown away. Our God is just so utterly amazing indeed.
With the words, I could think of someone who has remained an incessant reminder of God’s love for our family — Jun’s (and therefore my) brother and shepherd to his flock, Padre Bing. God’s work in and through him is already immense. may there be more like who are stewards and channels of God’s blessings to others, who keep inspiring and bringing others closer to our Lord’s grace.
There are countless other good people who made a difference in my family’s life that I may have not mentioned (as most if not all of them would prefer not to be put in the spotlight). The fact that you are reading this now is a true testament that you are one of them. You know who you are. I thank our great God for YOU. May He bless you and your loved ones more now and always.
Glory be to our God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit as it was in the beginning, now, and ever shall be world without end. Amen.
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