A few moments ago, my phone rang. I answered the call. The usual courtesies and pleasantries ensued. Hearing the caller’s name, my heart beat faster than the usual. Nervousness kicked in. Within me was a voice wanting to be heard. “Please, please do not say this is about a rejection. Please don’t let it be a NO. Please let it be a YES.”
Then came the next words. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” was what she said. That voice inside me wanted to ask a lot of questions. Why? What was it that did not meet your requirements? What would have made you say YES? My questions would have been endless. Part of me wanted to hear her further out. I did understand what she said. What was difficult was to digest what she uttered. Politely, I told her that I understand and respect the selection panel’s decision. (This is true. I really would like to believe that theirs had been a fair process.) As I also am a loyal client of the company for years, I even managed to pass on constructive feedback about customer service issues I recently had with them. She said, she’d pass on the feedback so that such could be looked into. She said they wish me well. The call ended. My heart broke.
It is Friday the 13th. Bad things happen, some would say. Yet, is it wise to be superstitious? What is more evident is that what would be harder for me to take in is the brunt of rejection. Some might think that my military background will make me more sturdy and tough against these emotional and other related battles. Well, I have not ceased being a human yet. I still get hurt emotionally. And, I am not the only one who would.
Dr Guy Winch wrote some interesting points about the effects of rejection on our psychological, social, as well as physiological conditions. He even likened the effects to physical pain.
Yet, I should move on. There should be ways on how I could hurdle these Friday the 13th blues. Now, how do I do that? I’d focus on what my task today should be. I’d focus on the positive aspects, which I’d be trying to measure. I know that my blogging journey is supposed to be getting rid of boxes. However, when desperation sets in, the more there is a need for me to think a bit more logically. I’d still try to do away with the technicalities but there’d be inherent facts and figures I’d use along the way. I’ve got LinkedIn on my side.
NUMBERS TALK
Counting the blessings
“The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.”
At times, we get so caught up with the woes that we fail to realise that we have more reasons to be thankful for. This was what Sam had said yesterday. Of course, when she said that, she still didn’t know what has happened to me today. What she said was in reference to how lucky we both (and others) were to be in our lovely Adelaide, and that she has realised this through the photos I posted. She is right. There are so many good things to be found if I would just find time to look a bit more thoroughly.
Comparing the numbers
“Do not measure your loss by itself; if you do, it will seem intolerable; but if you will take all human affairs into account you will find that some comfort is to be derived from them.”
Now, one might say that having a MAJOR rejection is still a big deal. Yes, it could be the case indeed. However, does that mean I am already a lost case? The answer is no. There are other means and ways to look at things. One such way is that LinkedIn will say I could do better than what initially seems. Ranking # 2 out of 1,705 (or top 1%) is not something bad at all.
I don’t want to start “being vain and bitter” by comparing my own self to what others are and could accomplish. Max Ehrmann’s Desiderata still resonates wisdom. Yet, making an exception in this point in time could matter a lot, especially if it is for something positive (and not meant to discredit or degrade anyone at all).
There are those good people who are just around, whether personally and professionally, adding up to the positivity and progressiveness. Needless to mention that these people who I’ve reached out to or vice versa, were all professionals who are magnanimous enough to connect and engage in the professional exchange of knowledge and expertise in one way or another. What would 1 BIG rejection plus another one earlier today be in comparison to that which could still be?
Measuring own progress
“The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have.”
Should I wish to stop my line of thinking and just follow Max’s wise words instead, there is another way of still making things work. I could compare me to my own self. I could look at how my current level improved from that when I just started.
I used to have only a handful of connections. Now, I’ve got 1,618 and still counting with 68 new connections for this week alone. From almost nil profile views in February this year, I’ve now had 82 as of last week and 113 more projected for next week.
These were not products of just pure luck. Just like for anything, I had to exert effort to produce the results as well. I know that there’d be others who would have made greater feats than I did. But, should I let that put me down? If I have already outdone myself, I could consider that as good progress.
QUALITY MATTERS
Reaching the milestones
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”
Progress doesn’t have to be measured by completion of the overall task. At times, achieving a milestone of the intended objective would already do. For instance, in my blog-writing journey, I have set a weekly objective of 1 blog each working day. Today is the 5th day of my 1st week and I am about to finish this blog, despite the odds. It is not how many blogs I’ve written but the fact that I’ve been sticking to my goals will matter in this instance. I had initial qualms about my capacity to write. I have proven to myself that I could still do so.
Making a difference
“Intense love does not measure, it just gives.”
One of my previous reasons for not writing blogs was that I was scared of rejection. I did not want to be vulnerable to everyone’s scrutiny. But, I did want to reach out to my readers in a positive way. If I could, I would want to inspire my readers to be more optimistic, to believe that there is hope even in the dreariest situations.
People may say that there needs to be a handful of this feedback. However, in this case, I am not after the numbers again. Every heart touched is already a treasured outcome. If I am able to go beyond myself and reach out to someone, make sense to another, enlighten the other, or perhaps encourage one to do better, then such would be what should matter.
Moving forward
“Success has always been easy to measure. It is the distance between one’s origins and one’s final achievement.”
Also in my blog-writing, whereas some have expressed their appreciation for what I have written. There are others who would even go beyond that. There’d be some who’d generously share a portion of their well-informed opinions and tested expertise. Some give positive feedback. Others communicate their constructive criticism. These are all part of my learning process. As the areas for improvement are identified, the better it becomes for me to determine how I could improve my writing, what resonates more to my readers, or how I could connect with them better. These are better than just mere numbers.
SUMMING AND WRAPPING EVERYTHING UP
Basically, when you get to my age, you’ll really measure your success in life by how many of the people you want to have love you actually do love you.
If I would just take the time for further introspection, my list of reasons to be happy today would be a lot longer. I’ve got friends and supportive people in my life. They pass on pieces of advice, an encouraging word or two, if not opportunities along the way. Their mere presence in itself is already a morale booster. Last but not the least, I’ve got the “intangibles” as what Lakschmi mentioned before. I’ve got my family who loves me dearly, which is the most important thing. At the end of the day, I would always be irreplaceable in my family’s lives, and them to mine. That’s what matters.
By the way, on the lady who rang me, she was just doing her job. It was nothing personal. I have nothing against her either. And, one other thing, she wished me well. Such may not be as grand as my so-called “intangibles.” Yet that matters, too.
Now that this article is done, I’m off to my next task. Life has to go on.
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I’d like to know your thoughts once more.Have you had a disappointing experience lately? What made you move forward to doing what should be done? What gave you the inspiration to go on?
(Note: This article also appear in the author’s LinkedIn profile.)
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