We all have people who made a difference in our lives one way or another. What a “mother” could do, teach and be may transcend far beyond mere gender definitions and other customary demarcation lines.

Yesterday was Mother’s Day. My kids and my better half Jun had been trying to make me feel special throughout the day.

We had a family movie marathon the night before, as we took advantage of those rare weekend nights when my dear husband doesn’t have a night shift scheduled so I knew my boys would be sleeping over. My husband and kids always had something prepared for me on special occasions; I also knew that my youngest son asked his dad for some coins, stating that he wanted to buy me something for “my” day. I was already awake early but just didn’t get up so as not to tamper with what I already surmised was my boys’ plan.

The kids were still asleep when I got out of bed around 8am and the sun was already up a bit. Flowers, chocolates and a card I found on our dining table were not supposed to be a surprise. Yet my heart still warmed up with the thoughtful gesture.

Life could be as tough at times, especially at some points like now. Feeling cared for by loved ones and realising that I am indispensable in their lives are great reminders and motivation sources to work and strive harder for them even more.

I was also trying to pass on that same appreciation in between doing items in my list of usual weekend chores. I’ve also tried to find time for posting and sending messages to each and every important mum who made and had been making a difference to my life, in one way or another.

From time to time, my phone would also make its buzzing sounds. Notifications on Facebook messages from family, friends and other good people in my life had been coming, even if they are across the seas. Sharing the love had indeed been yesterday’s general scheme of things.

Today is Monday. As part of my overall blogging sail plan, I am supposed to write my very first item on one aspect of my purview or 5Ps in life and work – People. In time for yesterday’s day for mothers, I’ve chosen my mum as my muse for today’s post.

Now, how do I begin? What have I learned from my mum (and all others like her)?  What makes people important? Why do we have to let these important people in our lives know they are important?  If I do get to answer these questions, how would the responses relate to human resources (HR) work? In the rational world, I would be trying to find more sense and sensibility in all my ideas; here are my attempts to put these efforts and results into written words.

On recruitment and selection: We need the right, fair process to meet the objective.

“And what’s the title of the dream.” –I Do Not Want Anything But You, Annie Original soundtrack, 1982

As a kid, I seldom had the perks that my sons now have, yet there were a number of moments with my mother that I shall always treasure. One of the first of the very few movies I watched with my mum when I was young was “Annie.” I am unsure as to what the most recent version of the movie had been all about, but the one I watched was a story of hope and optimism and more. Far beyond the ideas I had from it as a child, a deeper analysis of the movie also highlights at least two principles I found important for the HR world, specifically in recruiting and selecting an employee.

Referees are essential in the process. When Olivier Warbucks had been searching for an orphan to adopt to boost his image, his secretary Grace picked Annie, who was lucky to have someone putting in a good word for her. Olivier may have had qualms in choosing her but Annie proved him wrong as she lived up to what Grace thought she would be to Olivier’s life. In the world of work, good referees really know the person they are recommending, could put in the best plausible recommendations for the candidate and will assure recruiters that the candidate is really worth hiring.

Being a female does not make one less of a person. The major reason why Olivier did not want Annie was that he had a preconceived notion that orphans could only be boys and not girls. If he had been limited by this bias, he would not have been spared from a major disaster in his mansion, or he would have been left to the ploys of those who were after his wealth. This runs consistently with current employment trends towards gender sensitivity, diversity, equity and inclusiveness.

There surely are more ways than one in working towards an objective. Yet, it is important for us to choose the right and fair paths when going for our goal. Julian Statton started an interesting conversation on the selection process in his article   “Should we “trust our gut on selection decisions” I read last year when I was just starting to explore LinkedIn. I had my corresponding take on this when I commented on his article before:

On onboarding: Having a mentor is great.

“Mentorship is a relationship in which a more experienced or more knowledgeable person helps to guide a less experienced or less knowledgeable person”

–Wikipedia

I could still remember my very first attempts to go beyond the shy self I had become. I have come to shun the limelight and prefer obscurity, and there had been plenty of instances where I worked to grow out of that but I didn’t.

My stumbles had not been because I did not have any capacities or capabilities at all, I believe. As far as I know, each one of us could and would be able to do something, in what could be simple yet our own unique ways. It was more on the fact that I found more reasons to just read through and move on. I was yet to find enough justification to write something and share my thoughts somehow. I was just trying to learn how other professionals have grown throughout their career journeys and what I had been doing already served that purpose.

Then, there came the time when I found a LinkedIn post from Natalie White entitled “Let Me Tell You A Story About My Mentor.“  I quickly saw myself in Natalie, which made me abandon my earlier hesitations. Her story strongly resonated my own, as she made me remember my own mum. Memories of my mother made me decide to come out of my shell a bit, and came up with one of my very first comments on this site:

Reading materials are good but having a mentor is better. My mum had been encouraging me to read books, ever since I could remember. I’ve come to adopt this as a hobby, something which really benefitted me later on. One of my dearest aunts’ fondest memories of me was when I used to read their books with them even when I was still small. The playful

One of my dearest aunts’ fondest memories of me was when I used to read their books with them even when I was still small. The playful me would be scribbling drawings along the sides of their college books as well yet they didn’t mind that either as nothing could tamper with their happiness with my love for reading at such an early stage.

In my primary and high school years, my favourite past-time had been reading books in the library, which I believe had been one of the reasons why I excelled at school then. Yet, even as I learned through reading, I may not have grown with such passion for books and learning if not for my mum’s mentoring.

In my primary and high school years, my favourite past-time had been reading books in the library, which I believe had been one of the reasons why I constantly excelled at school. Yet, even as I learned through reading, I may not have grown with such passion for books and learning if not for my mum’s mentoring.

Yet, even as I learned through reading, I may not have grown with such passion for books and learning if not for my mum’s mentoring. I would have not known the importance of knowing more if she hadn’t provided the earlier stimuli to reinforce my adopted habit of reading.

Knowledge is also best validated by experience. In the world of work, written policies whether in printed or electronic forms are essential to acquaint and guide every new employee. However, reading materials are best complemented by a seasoned mentor who could empathise and know what the newbie is going through, as well as provide the corresponding and necessary advice, direction, motivation or support along the way as situations would call for.

With our modern era of computers and the internet, our information source is immense. On the other hand, there are things which we would be able to learn easily from someone who already had first-hand experiences to be able to make sense out of those theories and principles.

On rewards and remuneration, and employee retention:  Money is not everything.

“It’s a shame we fall prey to materialistic thinking because we certainly know better. A study by Strayer University found that 90% believe happiness is a bigger indicator of success than power, possessions, or prestige. Digging a little deeper, 67% defined success as “good relationships with friends and family,” and 60% said it is loving what you do for a living. Only 20% stated that monetary wealth determines success.”

–Signs You’re Successful Even If You Don’t Feel Like It by Dr Travis Bradberry

My mother stopped working when I was born. I never actually asked anyone why this was so but I could surmise it had been due to several reasons.

Firstly, she had eclampsia when she was about to give birth to me, which placed her and my life in danger at that time. (I already wrote something about what happened then. My First Blog: A Life’s Journey, in a Nutshell, is one about why and how my family considered my birth as a miracle. I was thus named “Esperanza,” a Spanish word which means hope.) It would have taken an ample amount of time before her full physical recovery.

Secondly, I would like to think that she wanted to be there for me. I was a premature baby and I would have needed a lot of looking after. The earliest memories I had of her making a living thereafter had been when she had several businesses going on.

Whatever her reasons had been, I would like to believe it to be for a good reason. One of the conversations she had with my dad, which I overheard when I was still young and somewhat too inquisitive was that my mum lent more money than what she earned back.

I am not saying that businesses should not be geared towards profits as I also believe that financial viability is as important as all the other perspectives of every company’s strategy. I may also have the same propensity that my mum had to help other people who really would need assistance, yet I also believe that we need to have the capability to help ourselves first. Thus, we need to have a job or income source to make us earn a living for our basic needs.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs still has not lost its relevance, as far as I know. However, it is not all about the money. Employees indeed may indeed be happier on Thursdays and paydays, yet there are other measures of success that motivate people more.

As we look for a job that makes us pay the bills, it does not mean that we are losing sight of our dreams and other aspirations in our lives. For my mum, making a difference to other’s lives mattered. For some if not most employees of today, the simple acknowledgement that they are doing the right things or perhaps doing things right (whichever side they are on the coin) may matter more.

“Many of the employees I interviewed said their superiors were quick to let them know what they were doing wrong, but were almost never inclined to tell them what they were doing right.”

–This Is the 1 (Completely Free) Company Perk All of Your Employees Craveby Justin Bariso

On learning and development as well as performance management: It is never too late to learn and do the right things.

My mum finished her Bachelor of Arts degree in her younger years. Wanting a better life for me and our family, she was already in her 40s when she took her Bachelor of Education course.

For many people in our province, it would have been considered too late and impractical. However, my mother knew that the course was something she should do, that it matches her passion as well as capabilities. She did not mind if she was the most mature-aged in her class. My mum even proved that it was never too late to learn.

After finishing her course, she even topped the provincial teacher’s ranking system, which made her land a public teaching position earlier than other hopefuls. She loved what she was doing and she made a difference through what she did. A lot of her students had been among the most successful ones in their batches. More than a couple of her successful students and their families even took the time to mention to me their gratitude for my mum and how she made a difference in their lives.

Relating these insights into HR concepts, learning and development would be as important as performance management. Companies and organisations have determined goals and standards that employees would and should always be working towards. Yet we should also value the employee as a person and not just a tool or resource.

Performance appraisals and performance coaching evolved and revolved around performance management through time as we recognise the importance of balancing employee welfare and other business outcomes. Valuing the alignment of what employees do to what the entire organisation aims to achieve remains an ideal practice.

Employees also need to be equipped with the skills, knowledge and tools to deliver these outcomes for the business. Performance management determines the gaps needed to be filled. Learning and development will fill in the gap.

In as much as there are proven benchmarks and best practices we would always refer to, these theories should best be applied not intentionally towards an employee’s undue disadvantage; flexibility to suit individual needs and circumstances could also work in more ways than one.

“In my experience, the leaders with whom it is easiest to do business are able to vary their behavior depending on the circumstances. If you have let a client down, you have to adopt a conciliatory tone. If you are trying to win business, you have to aim to listen more than you talk. If you are in a conflict, then a firm but fair approach is required. There is never a one-size-fits-all resolution when other people are involved, and if you take the situation and the people into account, you will have a much better chance of achieving your objective.”

–Good Leadership Calls for Light and Shadeby Anurag Harsh

On redundancies, and employee separation:  Letting go of someone is never an easy thing to do.

My mum had always been soft-hearted yet her experiences in life made her adopt a “no frills and poker-faced” persona. She had great empathy for people yet she also knew how to make the unpopular yet important decisions in life.

My father had been a soldier and his assignments took him to far-flung places more often than not. Well, as a family unit, I and my mum just had to be there where my father was. Thus, I was born in one place and grew up in another.

Our set-up worked for some time for us yet my mother saw that she should reconsider things. Finally, when I turned 7, she made the tough decision in letting me go and live with my grandparents while she stayed with my father. I never spoke to my mum about her decision although I tended to feel sad and question the rationale. I could and should surmise that she did it for a very good reason. She had been worried about my safety and wanting to have the best for me thus she made the tough call. Such is what I would reckon her mindset would have been, although there may be other possible explanations for that choice.

When I decided to apply for cadetship later on in the country’s top military training institution, it had been MY decision. I grew up in military camps, had more than a couple of other relatives in the military, and was even being convinced by my mother’s mum to join one of the first batches of female cadets. Yet, these were all factors which affected my chosen path; I was still the one who chose the path.

My mum didn’t deter me from pursuing what I wanted at that time. She was not dissuaded from releasing her one and only daughter (and one and only child, at that) because she knew it was the best thing for me. Well, training in the academy had indeed been hard but it gave me a four-year college scholarship, money to spend while still studying, as well as a stable, highly-esteemed career of service thereafter. She let go of me with the best intentions in mind.

The reasons for letting employees go may not be exactly the same as what my mum had for me. What should be similar though is that the intended benefits of our company policies, procedures and decisions, especially for redundancies and involuntary separation, far outweigh the disadvantages? Much better is if we take the employee’s welfare into consideration as well in the whole decision-making process.

This makes me bring to light the current thrusts of SA’s major car manufacturing company as it transitions its employees’ career. As the company forecast the extent of its business continuity in the upcoming years, those employees who would be affected by the changes were given the opportunity to have more options to base their choices on. Employees were provided with avenues and tools to move forward and transition.

Recognising that the company’s job situation had impacts that go beyond the employees and their families and extend to the outlying communities in general, the efforts even involved other HR professionals, educational institutions and other stakeholders outside the company.

These transformative efforts are a far cry and definitely better than the sob stories I’ve come to hear about. Coming from overseas organisations that work to keep employees, I could not help but be surprised at how volatile employment conditions could be. Somewhat unheard of in my past jobs, I’ve recently come across employees allegedly being “performance managed” until they were utterly stressed out in their work and finally made the decision to leave their organisation. I am yet to confirm whether these things really happen and whether such is intentional, but I believe that companies should do better than that for ethic’s sake.

“The new government jobs numbers just came out, and they show a disturbing trend. What they do not show is the impact of continuous exponential technological improvement on joblessness. What will happen when we lose seven jobs for every three we create? That’s a future you do not need to be a futurist to predict. It’s a problem I’m about to dedicate myself to helping solve.”

–I’m Taking Your Job! by Shelly Palmer

On wrapping things up

Nanay passed away in 2013, just a year after my first-born Huey, her first grandchild, had been born. Yes, she has already passed away from this world and I know that bygones should be allowed to become bygones. For years, I may somewhat have been in a state of denial, guilty that I have not gone out of my way to let her know how important she had been to me. Yes, I did appreciate her and did things for her, yet I believe those weren’t enough. There were times that I thought I should have done better. I am now trying to compensate for what I failed to do then, by honouring her memory with this post. Nanay and her life made me realise a lot of things; I am trying to transform these realisations into written words.

As we move along with our respective journeys in life, we encounter people close or not so close to us who leave their marks in our lives. There are people out there like my mother who we would like to cherish on Mother’s Day but they need not be who we traditionally classify as a “mother.” There are fathers out there who did what is usually considered as a “motherly task.” There are those people who may not be related to us by blood, but they go out of their way to support us all along.

Just as we simplify life by gleaning through patterns, logic and reasoning, there would always be exceptions and derivatives in the whole equation which make the solution a bit different in certain circumstances. Whereas we attain enlightenment and stability by having what we expect come to be, there are instances where something could indeed transcend the usual and revert to the extraordinary. We could and should always learn a lesson or two.

“A mother possesses incredible wisdom

And wonderful insight and skill”

–What is a Mother? by Katherine Nelson Davis

I would like to learn more, too. This post is not meant to be a professional advice that you should take “hook, line and sinker.”  Unless stated otherwise, anything stated here would merely be my personal viewpoints and are not representative of those from my roles or institutions I worked or work for. I am open to being enlightened, just as always. What are your thoughts and comments on this? As a professional in HR or your own chosen field, do you have someone who resonates the same inspiration and wisdom from someone in your life?

(Note: This article also appears in the author’s LinkedIn profile.)

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