There are aspects of our lives that we would always choose to keep. Such may be someone we dearly love or something that reminds us of someone that we cherish. For some, it could be a place that brings great memories or a nook to be in to unwind or take a breather from the hustle and bustle of it all. Others may find their passion for arts or music as an inherent part of their lives. Most of us would value our faith, beliefs, convictions or personal perspectives in life. To survive, we hold on to something to enable us to do another essential function, such as a job role or a responsibility. It may be that something which will make one become the person meeting expectations, to produce the best outcomes possible in whatever situation it may be, and to reach one’s goals and dreams.

Writing is that one facet of my life which had become extremely elusive for me. I chanced upon it in my past, or so I thought, and I am on a journey to find it (back) for a purpose. I had earlier attempts to do this but I didn’t even cast a single rope away to set sail on the journey. A stroke of faith became a turning point. Some precious trinkets of inspiration and wisdom placed me back on course.

The wrath of the storm may be daunting but there may be ways to still sail on. As the words of Noel Probert would read, “Writing injuries don’t take so long to heal, you’ll be up and about in no time.” Knowing the threats outside myself and my limitations, as well as the opportunities and my strengths I could use to move forward my journey, is part of the very first actions I should be able to take.

In more ways than one, my blog writing struggle could be likened to that of a sailor’s woes. You’d be noticing the allusions I’d be making to naval terminologies as I go ahead with my story for today.

Navigational hazards: Knowing the threats

For a long time until recently, I’ve always been putting off blogging and unrestricted posting. I knew I would be more susceptible to views and reactions less likely to be controlled at the outset. Thus, I shunned away from the vulnerability of what posting something to a wider audience could entail.

I would often restrain myself and opt to type in some words or just a few more in my public posts. There may have been times when ideas would still flood my thoughts.

Some of those would even initially seem interesting enough to be transcribed for posterity. Yet, more often if not all of the time, I tend to find a flaw or two in what I have come up with. Found faults would then led me to more self-criticisms, making me doubt my capacity to come up with something worth reading in the first place.

Shallow waters – If I take the liberty to look into things deeper, I would always find people who supported me along the way or perhaps someone who gave me a reason to strive to succeed, yet there’d be those who won’t. Stories of successes inspire yet not all tales are rose-coloured as there will be variations and derivatives.

If I fail to acknowledge that some waters would not be deep enough to run my ship’s course, I may run my ship aground. It is helpful if I get to psych myself up that there would always be a possibility that I could fail, that I may not satisfy everyone’s expectations, and that I could not make everyone happy. I will never be able to change the waters, but I could choose to focus on which parts of the seas and oceans I should sail through.

Navigational charts used by sailors are great references on which parts of the seas need to be avoided. Reading through others’ posts enable me to know what pitfalls to avoid.

Yet there also are those cases where navigational maps are not available, especially for unplanned voyages and uncharted waters. Through LinkedIn, I hope to learn more about the unfamiliar by accepting feedback, by reaching out to the experts and learning more from the experience.

Rough weather conditions – Seasickness could still take a toll even on the most experienced voyagers. The ship is harder to steer through a storm. Yet, weather forecasts have increasingly been becoming more accurate these days. The ship could also take shelter and not move ahead if need be. An anchor helps in steadying a ship against the beating of the waves and the underlying currents.

In my writing struggle, in as much as I would like to move forward, going past the discouraging words and believing in myself is indeed a tough act to beat.   It would even be harder if the speaker is someone we should respect and trust. Like an anchor, I need to find something to hold onto, to keep me steady through the rough times or challenges I may find along the way.  Looking for what’s already obvious should definitely be easier if I would only identify what I am looking for, what is important to me that would inspire me. Perhaps I need not look too far.

As Samantha Bond had written in her own post, we could start with our small but concrete victories. Then, we could proceed with more. We should know what we want to achieve and should have a clear idea of which struggles to overcome to be able to say we already have a victory, though.

The faulty internal machinery or a lost case ship: Knowing my weaknesses and extent of the damage

There are times when a ship’s equipment would not be working as well as they should. For such machine error, the situation may need just a simple routine maintenance, a little TLC or “tender love and care.” For some, it could already entail a major overhaul. In a worst-case scenario,  the ship may already need to be decommissioned, never ever to sail the seas anymore.

The experts need to determine which really is the case. Experts run tests against set standards aside from lessons learned from their own experience.

I had my share of achievements in life yet I also had my other failures. Introspection made me realise that I need to learn from experience. I need to determine what caused those failures and what did not work out well enough. It is in knowing the areas for improvement that we would be able to really make sure we are dealing with what needs to be looked into. If I know what to expect, I would also know how to prepare to act when similar situations arise.

Relatedly, I thought that writing to me would just be something that was, or so I thought. My fears and my corresponding avoidance of the tragedy of producing a sub-standard, irrelevant piece, had been enough reasons for me to just put off writing. The propensity for me to just forget non-work-related writing in any form altogether had been so overwhelming. I was convinced that I already totally lost the ability to write anything coherent or worth reading at all. Procrastination thus ruled.

I am posting this article not just to impart my thoughts but also to gauge at which level my capacities still would really be. If I am able to complete this article in time for my self-declared deadline, then I may have just been needing some TLC after all. Reading, practices and asking for help (especially from the “editor-of-the-editor’s-editor” who is my dear better-half Jun, the budding-writing-wonder-among-all-else  who is my first-born son Huey, the-one-who-ever-abandons-me who is my youngest son Sev, and other awesome people who magnanimously shared a portion of their time, expertise, and talents) may already do, but I have to know where I am really at.

Sailing ahead: Knowing the opportunities as they relate to my strengths

When I was in Grade 5, I achieved my first literary feat by winning OLCA’s Poetry Writing Contest. Yes, I could indeed come up with written answers to school test questions. Yet, I never did know I could write. I just joined the contest as a matter of compliance, because I just had to. Getting the award was just a bonus and a prelude to succeeding years of my involvement in various school and workplace publications. “Write,” was what my then classmate and honorary “content editor,” Angel, said to me once. So now I did. The lesson: Consider going on the journey if given the opportunity. 

The Light, The OLCAN, The Corps, Peemayer, Scribe, Navy Journal, Fleet Journal and Navy Digest were part of my publication portfolio. These could be products of choice or mere circumstances. I may even have just been at the right place, at the right time, and the right situation to come up with the right outputs. What I have achieved all came to be, and I was definitely part of the process. The lesson: There are so many things which a search process could entail but I could already start the journey by starting with myself.

I became PMA’s first recipient of the Languages Plaque for garnering the highest academic achievements in all courses offered by the Department of Languages. 57% of Filipinos could speak English and this is a feat, which is one of the highest in the world. However, writing in English as a second language is something that most will have as a great barrier. I managed to transcend that block somehow. Understanding one’s mother tongue may come in so naturally for all. Yet, speaking, reading and writing one’s vernacular takes a bit more. A previous study showed that 91% of Filipinos understand Tagalog while only 81% could write in it. I was the few ones who could understand, speak, read as well as write in fluent Tagalog or Filipino, all thanks to the Batangueno blood I got from my father’s side of the family. The lesson: I may already have what I need to start, I just need to realise what those necessities are.

As the editor-in-chief of The Corps, I was the first female PMA cadet-graduate conferred with the Journalism Award. Well, this one was tough given the rudiments of our cadetship training and all the other extracurricular activities that I got myself involved in. Getting married to my husband the day after the graduation made the process more complicated, as I needed to juggle wedding jitters clothed as preparations, meeting final academic requirements, as well as producing two issues of the magazine, along with other events and activities in between. The lesson: All is well that ends well.

These may all seem as mere tokens of what had been. However, they served as my reminders that I was able to do things before. The lesson: Why can’t I do it again?

Another dilemma: Mission or journey?

My work in the Navy also entailed a lot of writing, among others. In a compliance-constrained world, I stuck to templates and other acceptable conventions. Fancy words needed to be replaced by workplace jargons and acceptable definitions. I wrote for the organisation, in meeting requirements, and achieving determined outcomes.  I did not write for myself. I wrote because I had to, as it is essential for me to serve as I have committed myself to.

I might have seemed to have abandoned creative or meaningful writing altogether as far as I could remember. My written works seemingly had become merely done for necessity and compliance and were not products of imagination nor passion. As I loved my previous jobs so much and I would like to do as much work as I can to create more value, as long as I was able to communicate and take one item off my checklist, I  would seem to already feel contented and consider myself done.

If I’d let pessimism get the better of me, I’d say I seemed to have lost that flair that they used to say I have. I already reached the point of doubting my capacity and moral ascendancy to call myself “a writer.” For optimism sake, this came to be for a reason, which is doing something out of a sense of responsibility and purpose to commitments I made. Commitment is not a bad thing, especially for a good purpose. Balance, though, is an ideal thing.

Migrating to Australia and immersing myself in the local world of work, I was faced with new expectations and dimensions. There’d be more than a couple of instances, where I would be made to realise I could still improve how we write.

Too long. Too short. They couldn’t understand what is being conveyed. What was written had not been clear or sufficient enough. Some would say, write in conversational English. Others would say, such is not the ideal way to do it and use formal language instead.

Yes. For someone who wants to meet the requirements of the customer – whether internal or external – the task of determining what is and should be is a considerable process in itself. But, what is amazing about human beings that we all are is that we never remain static, we could learn from experiences and from others.

Noel Probert once posted some interesting perspective in addressing these dilemmas.  When should we start and stop embracing commonly-used words? How do we draw the line between creative and professional writing?  Should these two realms be merged together in one viable, acceptable whole instead?  Am I writing for a living or for a passion? Should I write to inform or should I inspire instead? Should I write formally in professional terms, or should I use casual lines? Do I have specific timelines and parameters, or should I just let my personal and professional circumstances determine the paths I take? Questions may initially be answered, some will still normally pop through as part of our acceptably-inquisitive human nature.

Am I a sailor on a writing mission or a traveller in life’s journey? I’d say it could be both, in the most positive of intent and definitions. Spontaneity and uniqueness are not crimes in the blogging world, which should be enough relief. I could always learn more and polish my craft as I go along. This may bring me to further clarifications on whether writing is a craft, art or science. The questions will not end here though and will seem endless.

Should I go instead for my long-delayed plan of writing that book I’ve been chatting to Lakschmi about? Should I strive to have the same writing consistency as those of a dear underclass Mylene who I have recently reunited with recently and have to have more respect for? Should I write about something which resonates with my soul just like my Ate Eileen? There’ll be new or revived previously-answered other questions that could really flood and overwhelm the mind, and may even stall the beginning of a good thing. Starting out on the journey, though, is the key.

Casting off all the lines

Thinking beings that we all are, we are what we think. Mind over matter may be one of those much-used cliches. Yet, for countless times, I find it to be much more relevant than what I’d accept it to be. Several days ago, I’ve let go of all the blocks and chains holding me off. Positive, inspirational people, thoughts and situations came by to catalyse the long-delayed change. I finally decided to embark on the adventure of trying to find something I believe I need to keep but just seemed to have lost somehow. I finally came to start writing again and found myself posting my very first blogs.

I know that my first attempts may not be the best. But, should I really let this negative thought restrain me further? I’ve done it. The only way now is to move forward. Yes. When we are much convinced that something is really worth finding and keeping, we just have to do it. I just have to hold on to faith, my own belief, or whatever it is that I hold dear. The voyage of great lengths could start even with a struggling, hesitant first headway.

There is a vast realm of learning which awaits to be explored. I would like to learn more, too. This post is not meant to be a professional advice and I am open to being enlightened, just as always. What are your thoughts and comments on this? Have you had any experience which resonates the same insights like I had in my struggle? Have you tried doing something which would have otherwise seemed too late or impossible to do? What made you accomplish things despite the odds?

(Note: This article also appears in the author’s LinkedIn profile.)

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